CHAN SOLD FOR UNDISCLOSED AMOUNT OF WERTHER’S ORIGINALS

Chanhassen Retirement Homes has been sold to local entrepreneur Greg Frankenfield.  If you actually give a shit, feel free to check out the Strib article here…and then proceed with your day of watching Wheel of Fortune and mailing $5 to your grandson for his birthday.

B4 YOU DIE - 4/23/09

Now that everyone and their brother has finally had a chance to express themselves regarding Casey Greig and Minneapolis play readings, it’s time for another semi-annoying installment of B4 You Die.  This week, let’s pay homage to Clarence Wethern’s semi-annoying run of Star Trek Twitter haikus by giving you this death on Monday.  Here are the shows to see before that fateful day.

THURSDAY — The Last Five Years

Yellow Tree is neat
Osseo is less than neat
Saint Paul would be worse

FRIDAY — God’s Ear

Regional premiere?
The great Sara Richardson?
You greedy bastards!

SATURDAY — The Velvet Rut

Illusion Theater
I heart Terry Hempleman
Get there by 8, bitch

SUNDAY — Recollect

The Egg stands upright
Saint Paul is empty no more
Uranus has closed

Show To See If You’d Rather Just Kill Yourself:

West to Chanhassen!
Journey into the lobby
Then…just pick a show

B4 YOU DIE - 3/5/09

We haven’t done one of these since October, so let’s see if I can remember how it goes.  Let’s see…usually, you’re about to die on Monday in some ridiculous way.  The following are the shows you should see between now and then.

THURSDAY — Romeo and Juliet

As much as I tend to dislike Shakespeare and shake my head at corporate theatre, I’ve heard nothing but great things about this CTC production.  Grab a kid, a few bucks and head to the Cargill Stage by 7:30pm.

FRIDAY — Happy Days

Holy eff balls…a Guthrie Corp. show?!  That’s right.  I just can’t deny the greatness that is Sally Wingert and Samuel Beckett.  I’m really, really sorry, small theatres.  I just couldn’t pass this one up.  And neither should you.  7:30pm at Guthrie Corporation.

SATURDAY — R.U.R.

Commedia Beauregard keeps ramming “this is the play that invented the word ROBOT” down our throats.  But who the fuck cares about that?  All I know is that it’s a cool play being produced by an inventive company.  If this new translation is any good, you could be in for a fun night.  Plus, it’s their opening.  Yeah, openings (that’s what Gaye said)!!  8pm at the People’s Center.

SUNDAY — Hitchcock Blonde

7:30pm would be your last chance to see Hitchcock Blonde at the Jungle.  Joel Sass directs this nifty little show.  It’s good, but it’s a long one.  Go prepared.  Also, go wearing your erection pants, ‘cause Antonette Trussoni is in it.  She’s extremely attractive, according to a study conducted by my penis.

Show To See If You’d Rather Just Kill Yourself: Oh, I dunno…what’s playing at the Chan right now?

I WISH THIS SURPRISED ME

Welcome to Wednesday, stage suckers!

Have some time to waste while you wait for your boss to send you the expenses?  Here’s an interesting, if ultimately depressing article about America’s ever-decreasing hunger for straight plays.  Still unsatisfied?  Then check out Alexis Soloski’s idea for how to make things better.

Or you can just decide to drink the punch, embrace what’s coming, and tap dance your way over here…to the future of theatre the the U.S.A!

HAPPY HOLI-GAYE!

Here he is, ladies and gents…one more time before the holidays, IT’S GAYE!

————

Hello my darling readers. The holidays have come upon us, and so has my friend from the gym. For my holiday post, I wanted to recommend some shows to see, but alas, I’m not extremely excited about many shows right now. I don’t have my usual Gaye-rection for the holiday season. I’m not sure what it is; the economy, the ever-growing threat of Project Runway being canceled, this tiny unexplained rash. Who knows? So this year, in lieu of my missing list of shows that would give me a Holiday Hard-On, I’d like to submit to you my first ever…

Holi-Gaye Wish List! (in no particular order)

• Chanhassen Dinner Theatre decides to be less boring.

• The Big Blue Blog decides to be less boring.

• Mainstream news outlets, like the Star Tribune and the Pioneer Press pay closer attention to smaller theaters that would benefit more from reviews.

• Theaters that cater to younger audiences, like The Children’s Theatre, The Youth Performance Company and SteppingStone Theatre continue to thrive.

• Nobody does a production of Midsummer…for at least 3 more years.

• The Iveys gets a lot more Gay in a Good Way. There is a giant pool of talent in this state. Let’s use some of it for the show that is supposed to showcase this talent.

• Next year’s Fringe Festival is at LEAST as good as it was this year.

• Broadway’s The Little Mermaid goes up in flames. I’m not even gay enough to want to see that show.

• Somebody decides to produce Golden Girls: The Musical!

• More original work gets produced. And it doesn’t suck balls.

I hope all of your wishes come true in the New Year and I hope you all continue to be extremely Gaye in a Good Way!  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go Ho-Ho-Ho myself out.

HOLIDAY SHOWS ARE LIKE ASSHOLES

There are quite possibly 8,563 holiday shows in the Twin Cities this year. Enjoy A Christmas Carol? You have at least 8 versions to choose from. Maybe The Nutcracker gives you the biggest boner. You’ll have to make do with only 3. Yes, from Christmas Klingons to Hanukkah goblins, you’re sure to get your fill of holiday hack jobs this year.

But have no fear. FringeFamous is here to help you sift through the crappy shows and pull out the ones that won’t make you feel like you just got punched in the dick. So, here they are, ladies and gents…our Top 10 Not-Assy Holiday Shows of 2008!

10. The Santaland Diaries — Theatre Limina puts this on every year over at the Bryant Lake Bowl. I’ve never actually seen it, but I’ve heard good things. David Sedaris wrote it and he’s totally gay, just like Christmas.

9. All is Calm: The Christmas Truce of 1914 — Okay, I admit it. I would rather shoot myself in the eye with a nail gun than sit through this Theater Latte Da production. So why is it on my list of not-assy holiday shows? Because it’s not assy. It’s actually very well done. And if you bring your grandma to this show, I guarantee she will put away that ugly Christmas sweater and just give you a huge sack of money this year.

8. Kevin Kling - Tales from the Charred Underbelly of the Yule Log — Kevin Kling rocks socks off. He just does. Keep in mind, it’s a one-day-only situation. And if you have family in town, you can show them around Guthrie Corporation, which has an amazingly long escalator and futuristic furniture!

7. The Holiday Pageant — If you haven’t been over to Open Eye Figure Theatre, you’re missing out…and will continue to do so, as this show is over at the Pantages. Michael Sommers is a pretty brilliant dude and this one-night-only performance will certainly not disappoint.

6. Martini & Olive’s “Silent Night Fever” – Grant Richey and Judy Heneghan have been doing this schtick for years and it really never gets old. They, however, are very old.

5. Black Nativity — It’s hard not to feel in the holiday spirit when you’ve got all kinds of jazz and gospel music filling the house. So yeah…this Penumbra production has all that.

4. Fat Man Crying — Joseph Scrimshaw is almost always a no-brainer. Tim Uren is good for the soul. And Katie Hartman is a Fringie award-winner! SHE WON A FREAKING FRINGIE!!

3. A Klingon Christmas Carol — How can you not go see this show? Even if it’s the suckiest piece of suck that ever sucked…how can you not go see it?

2. A Christmas Carole Petersen — Tod Petersen’s holiday show is a must. It loses a little something now that it’s over at the Ordway’s McKnight Theatre, but not enough to keep it off your holiday list.

1. All I Want for Christmas is 700 Billion Dollars: Our 50th Noel – The Brave New Workshop is the best theatre in town at making me like theatre. They can probably do the same for you. But you’ll never know unless you attend this show.

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5 HOLIDAY SHOWS I WISH I COULD MURDER

1. Guthrie Corporation’s A Christmas Carol – I can’t believe it’s possible to spend $70 to see A Christmas Carol.

2. Chan’s Another Night Before Christmas — If the show is as clever as the title, I could’ve made this #1.

3. History Theatre’s A Servants’ Christmas – The Most Boring Theatre in the Twin Cities has done it again!

4. Park Square’s Jacob Marley’s Christmas Carol — How cheap do you have to be to produce a one-man holiday show?

5. Hennepin Stages’ A ‘Don’t Hug Me’ Christmas Carol — Just when you thought you were as sick of A Christmas Carol as one person could be…

So I was checking out Chanhassen Retirement Home’s Altar Boyz Facebook page, and I found what has got to be the gayest and douchiest publicity photos ever taken. I’ll leave it up to you to figure out which is the gay one and which is the douchey one. Good luck!

Also, check out this fantastic disclaimer from the Chan’s website. If you know the show at all, this little nugget is pretty enjoyable.

“While the material is delivered innocently and contains many messages about God’s love and saving grace, this is a contemporary secular musical and is not intended to convert or condemn any group of people.”

B4 YOU DIE - 10/16/08

Oh, shit.  Turns out this is going to happen sooner than later…Monday, to be specific.  And you’ll die, of course.  What will you do between now and then?  See these four shows, silly!

THURSDAY — 100

Though you wouldn’t know it from their website, Workhouse Theatre Company recently won a coveted Ivey award.  So you owe it to them to check out this show.  It starts at 7:30pm at The Warren…and they even have a nifty little video, over here.

FRIDAY — Tyrone & Ralph

Okay, okay…I know I hated on this show earlier in the year.  But this just may be one of the only times in your life (since it’s ending on Monday) that you should attend a show at the most boring theatre in the Twin Cities.  The awesome of Steve Hendrickson just barely outweighs the boring of the History Theatre in this 7:30pm show.  You’re dying on Monday anyway, so what the hell.

SATURDAY — Stitch, Bitch, N’ Die

There might not be a cooler show to see this weekend, than Joseph Scrimshaw’s show about a knitting club that murders each other.  They say it’s a BYOK: bring your own knitting.  I think I may take up knitting just so I can say I took part in something that fantastic.  Also, the cast includes Jen Scott, who just might be the most all-around talented human being in the Twin Cities.  Show starts at 7pm and, although it’s not listed on their website (tsk! tsk!), they’re over at the Bryant Lake Bowl.

SUNDAY — Amazons and Their Men

This one’s a no-brainer.  Walking Shadow has opened their next glob of awesome, and you MUST attend.  Jordan Harrison writes, Amy Rummenie directs, and Zoe Benston probably yells at you (I’m still scarred from the Fringe).  3pm at the Pillsbury House Theatre…you can’t miss.

Show To See If You’d Rather Just Kill Yourself: The Producers over at Channy Pants.  If the goal is to fuck up a show as funny as The Producers, I can’t think of anyone more suited to that goal than The Dicknose.

IT’S GAYE! (in a good way)

Bright Lights, Big Gaye Yawn

Boyz and girlz, Gaye is bored. Bored to tears. Again. The Ivey’s are over, and I’m looking for the next Gay Show! But I don’t see many diamonds in the rough. I thought maybe MMT’s production of Bright Light’s Big City might do the trick. But I read a little more about it online, and looked at a few clips of the show, and I was extremely unimpressed. Maybe I’m just straight up in a bad mood, but there is nothing about this show that makes me want to see it. Other than maybe the cheesy draw of 80’s nostalgia. But much like myself, it’s been done. A lot. Throw backs to the 80’s was so five minutes ago. Also, if you hate yourself a little bit, take a peek at the clips they posted. In my humble and queer opinion, it doesn’t sound good [ed. note — this one is much better]. You might be saying, “but gay, it’s just a recording and it’s a rehearsal. What did you expect.” Well, my misguided gay, I expect that when you post something, bragging about your show, make sure it’s good. The point is to get people to think that you actually have a good show. Not to make them think, “they sound okay for a rehearsal, maybe they got better.” Who knows, maybe they did. I am a fan of Patrick Morgan, and I have confidence that he might be one of two or three saving graces in the show (Courtney Miner and Joe Bombard would be the other two) [ed. note — Tom Karki is usually pretty awesome, as well]. But I’m still more than likely going to watch old episodes of “Maude”, instead of going to this show.

I was however, able to find a glimmer of hope. Walking Shadow’s production of Amazons and Their Men, has promise shooting out of it’s…men. If you’ve not read the script, do so. It’s outstanding. The show has a comically dramatic director, a little bit of homo-erotic love, and a Minister of Propaganda. I actually, can’t wait to see this show. If I’ve learned one thing from this year’s Fringe Festival, it’s that Walking Shadow knows how to put on a good show.

Lastly, I’m a little bit on the queer-link fence about Chanhassen Dinner Theatre’s production of The Producers. I was an advocate of this show for a while. It is one of my favorite musicals. I’m just a tiny bit nervous about Chanhassen’s tendency to dumb down their productions for the sake of the hearing-impaired and post hip replacement audience members. The good thing about this show is that the humor and style of the show is written into the script, so you’d think it would be hard to completely ruin. But, Chanhassen is the same theater that cast someone as “Jean Valjean”, with the singing talents of an ailing tiger cub. For an extra good yawn, check out their website and watch the clip of Michael Brindisi. Why on God’s Gay Earth would you put that clip up [ed. note — Brindisi is a self-indulgent dicknose]. I kept hoping that something fun would happen, or that he would say something interesting. It never happened. My cat did sneeze while I was watching it though. So that made me laugh.

At the end of the day, Gaye is still bored, but I will say, Good job Walking Shadow for keeping it Gay In a Good Way. Better luck next time Minneapolis Musical Theatre, you’re just not gay enough. And, don’t disappoint me Chanhassen. Take advice from the script: “keep it light, keep it bright, keep it gay.”

SWING MAKES ORGANIZING MY GARAGE SOUND FUN

I just had the pleasure of reading this fascinating piece by Strib writer Graydon Royce about Chanhassen Retirement Home’s upcoming production of Swing.

In the article, the show’s director Sean Cercone (also artistic director of the Carousel Dinner Theatre in Akron, Ohio) wanted to make one thing clear…

“We think of ourselves as a theater, not a dinner theater.”

So I guess it’s true — you are what you think you are.

To learn more about Cercone and his theatre, feel free to visit their website at www.CarouselDinnerTheatre.com.